Saturday, January 31, 2009

This is the Ad They Don't Want You to See at the Superbowl

The Superbowl turned down this ad but they are allowing PETA to run their add.
Read the full story here.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Failure to Blog

So I haven't been blogging much lately. It seems to come in spurts. You know how it is - feast or famine. Personally, I love blogging. Its therapeutic. But lately I haven't been able to blog. Nothing seems to come to mind at a convenient time. I can usually think of some hilarious story that happened five years ago but by the time I get to use my computer again its gone and there I sit empty headed with nothing to blog about. So, I thought I would do a year in review.

2008 - YUCK! Just when I thought I had escaped 2007 with nothing to loose 2008 reared its ugly head. My job, which I absolutely loved and would do anything to be successful turned into the worst night terror event of my career. So, I decided to make 2008 the year that I would "do something". Here is what I did.

First I decided to start writing. I've always enjoyed coming up with creative stories and I try to deal with my own stress by seeing the humor in the midst of the boondoggle which is my life. So, I started this little blog. Then I decided that I needed to start my own business because there is no way I'm going to work as someone else's employee forever. I needed to take charge of my own destiny. Thus, on February 12, 2008, I gave birth to

ProlificMom is now my other identity, my alter-ego - my very own brand. It encompasses all the things I am and all the things I want to be, and it has morphed on a fairly regular basis over the last year. PM is almost a year old - one verrrrry long painful year. And now I have decided to step it up a notch. Over the last three weeks I have worked on it day and night. This has been one gargantuan reconstruction project. I've been teaching myself web design - well, little pieces here and there. Really its more like reverse engineering and it has been changing minute by minute. If you looked at it an hour ago, chances are it has changed - kind of like Texas weather. In fact, I have worked on it so much that I have only been taking showers about every three days. Unfortunately, I have also been wearing the same clothes for the last three days. This has been like one slow extended labor and delivery. Only, I don't know when this baby will be finished to the point that I can leave it alone for a few days - but it will happen. And when it does I will probably be ready to take a shower at least every other day.

So, now I'm a stay at home mom. For the last thirteen years I have longed for the day I could be a stay/work at home mom. That is all I have dreamed of for thirteen year. I couldn't wait for it and I had a great plan to make it happen. Unfortunately, the lovely people I worked for had other ideas, and in June I got my wish about 16 months ahead of plan. For this new job I was completely unprepared. In fact, I am still in training for the stay at home job. Nothing on my resume points to experience as a full time mom. The majority of my time over the last 13 years have been dedicated to driving to a corporate office five or six day a week and telling millionaires what to do and when and how to do it - and I was very good at it. For this I was well rewarded. You know that movie "The Devil Wears Prada" - yes, part of that character was based on me. I don't know how the writers knew it but they nailed it. Being a executive assistant is what I am good at. I can make complex travel arrangements in my sleep. Just don't wake me up to clean up vomit in the middle of the night. I'm clueless in that department.

To fast forward and sum it up:
Start a blog
Your Fired
Stay at home
broken arm
no insurance
medical bills
meals with no frills
no good news
write a blog
skip some showers
take a nap

Monday, January 26, 2009


How to Eat an Elephant

There is an old saying that I like. How do you eat and Elephant? One bite at a time.

This is a great saying used to encourage those who might feel overwhelmed with a prospective task. However, as I ponder this thought more questions come to mind.

What size is the elephant? What if the elephant is too big and you cant eat it all in one sitting? Do you have to stay at the table until you are finished eating the entire elephant? Can you share it with friends? Can you place leftovers in containers and freeze it? How many containers would you need for something that size? How long will it keep in the freezer? How do you cook the elephant before you eat it? Do you bake it or fry it? Can you deep fry it? How do you know if it is fully cooked or over done? Are all of the parts edible or will there be parts that you shouldn't or couldn't eat? Where do you get an elephant to eat? Do they serve these at fine restaurants? Can you get it in a fast food drive through window? Can you take leftover elephant home in a doggie bag? What kind of condiments should you eat it with? How would Emeril cook it?

Wait a minute. Who wants to eat an elephant? I think I'm going to switch to the saying "Don't bite off more than you can chew" and leave it at that.

Friday, January 23, 2009

And Now Some Sage Advise

Today's blog comes from my sister Lisa. So, listen up ladies. This information might just come in handy one day.

Who needs hints from Heloise when they have a brilliant sister like me!!!

I thought maybe you could use a good laugh.

If you are going to not shave your legs for a few months, because it is cold
out and you wear jeans all the time anyway, don't Waite until the first
sunny, windy day to decide to shave. And should you make this mistake, don't
do a quicky shave. You know, where you sit on the side of the tub and shave
your legs with a brand new raiser...You will get raiser burn. So, after you
have done both of these things which I have strongly advised you to avoid...
Do Not put on shorts and go out to ride the horse...your legs will not only
get sun burned, because they haven't seen the light of day in months, they
will not only get raiser burn, due to your own stupidity...riding in shorts
is a very bad idea...the part of your leg that rubs against the saddle, it
will be chapped!

Just a word of advice from your very, very ignorant sister.

Friday, January 16, 2009

My Life in Blog Titles

If I could express my life in blog titles, here are just a few that would sum up some of my experiences so far:

I know we are married but....Why I hate going grocery shopping with you.

Top 57 reasons you can't go grocery shopping with me.

Knock, Knock, Here she is, GOOD LUCK! (snicker) Run to the car and drive away fast: Audrey Goes to a Sleep-over

Please Stop Talking for a While or I'm Going to Poke my Eyes Out!

No REALLY! Please Stop Talking For At Least a Few Days

Has Anyone Seen My Eye-Poker?

Stupid People Tricks: Why NOT to Use Adhesive Glue Spray to Try to Kill a Yellow Jacket Inside the House When Your Parents Are Not Home.

How To Remove Adhesive Glue Spray From Your Face, Teeth and Glasses

Please STOP Taking Photos Of your Butt.....Because Your Only Six and Mommy Doesn't Want to Go to Jail!

For the 1,000th Time, PLEASE FLUSH THE TOILET!

My Life is a Circus and I'm the Clown in Charge of Driving The Car.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine. I Know I just picked up my prescription yesterday but I REALLY need a refill.

Coping with stress technique #34 - Just look them in the eye and laugh.

Please Don't Confuse The Tears Streaming Down my Cheeks With the Sound of Laughter Coming out of my Mouth.

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Things They Say

Spencer: When Dalton dies, can I shoot him in the face?

Me: Why would you want to do that?

Spencer: Because he tortures me all the time!

The good news is that Spencer is not planning to kill Dalton. He's just going to wait until Dalton is dead and THEN shoot him in the face.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Words of Encouragement

This morning as I was waiting at the bus stop with my 14 year old daughter, Natalie, she expressed some stress. So, I took the opportunity to open the door of conversation. It took a while, but she was finally able to articulate what was on her mind. Today's source of stress was her concern about the state of the economy under President Elect Barack Obama.

Although I did not vote for Mr. Obama and I'm eagerly awaiting the next election cycle, vowing to be more directly involved in the process of supporting a conservative candidate, I took a few minutes to encourage her about our future President. He is not the devil and he does need our prayers. Although I don't have faith that he will be, we need to HOPE that he will be the best president we have ever had. While he will most likely make many decisions that we disdainfully disagree with he will also probably make a few good decisions along the way. But the most important encouragement I could give her came from the Bible.

Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
Isaiah 26:3 - You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. 4 Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
The best thing we can do is place our trust in God, knowing that he is in control. We need not be afraid, even when we feel like we are on a roller coaster at that point just after it crests the tallest hill and it feels like the carriage is going to leave the track, and we are going to go tumbling to the ground - the free fall - GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL. The roller coaster is not actually going to leave the track. We are not going to go flying through the air to an untimely demise. We will, at the end, pull into the station, and we will get out of the cart in one piece. The ride may be bumpy with many ups and downs but it will, as it always does, come to an end.

So, get into the cart and buckle your seat belt. Its probably going to be a very long bumpy ride, but GOD IS WITH US ALL THE WAY.