Dear Alien Mother Ship

I believe there was an accidental mix up the last time you visited Earth . You see, I believe I may have inadvertently brought your most precious Princess, Sunshine, home to my house. If this is the case, it is most likely that you have my most precious Princess, who's name is also Sunshine. I can see how this could have happened because of their similar appearances, and of course they have the same name. However, it didn't take me long to discover this obvious mix up. You see, my Princess Sunshine has a very sweet, gentle disposition and she smiles a lot. I'm sure that your Princess Sunshine would also posses these same attributes in her home environment on the Mother Ship; However, it is very apparent that Earth's environment is not at all suitable for her disposition or development. In the three very, very, very long years that she has been with us we have noticed that she has become increasingly impatient, irritable, miserable, cranky, disrespectful, insubordinate, and sometimes just downright mean. She yells, grumbles under her breath and treats our rules as if they were just irrelevant suggestions. She looks at us as if we are clueless Aliens with outdated ideas.

I could go on but I think this description is adequate enough to get my point across: Our children were obviously switched. It happened about three years ago when your ship was spotted in our town, which is called Grand Prairie, in the vicinity of Truman Middle School.

Perhaps you were just visiting our galaxy out of curiosity, or perhaps this visit was a mission to find a more suitable child for yourself - one with a sense of adventure and a great sense of humor. Either way, I believe it would be most beneficial for both of us if you returned to Earth with my sweet Princess Sunshine. I am assuming that you are probably having the same challenges that I have described above because she is obviously not in her most suitable environment. Once our sweet girls are returned to their appropriate families, I am absolutely sure that their sunny dispositions will return to normal.

I know that you are now very far away from Earth, but PLEASE (I AM BEGGING) send me some kind of signal that you have received my message and that you are planning to return SOON to ensure that our daughters are safely returned to their most beneficial environments. If I don't hear from you soon, I may be forced to lock your child in a closet and feed her through a straw under the door until you return. This will be for her own safety, of course.