Inspiration for the unemployed

Job Search Inspiration

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God is Able

Where I have been

Dear MomicRelief readers,

If you are wondering where I have been, I've been blogging over at ProlificMom . It's my other site...my other identity. The site was broken for a while so I spent some time rehabbing it. It's in limbo, so while I'm still trying to decide, define and refine the ProlificMom image, vision and mission, I'm using it as my blog site. If you want to catch up with what's been going on, hop on over to ProlificMom.

Please add me to your favorites and subscribe to my RSS feed. :-)

Here’s Your Sign

In the office building where I work the elevator doors and front walls are mirrored.  So, every morning I can check my appearance all the way up to the eight floor.  Then I get the same opportunity all the way down to the lobby at the end of the day.  This is useful for checking hair, makeup, shirt tucked in, everything in place, no boogies or hangers on, etc…  Then there is the other thing – the reminder that I need to loose weight.  It has become my mantra.  As I ride the elevator everyday I say to myself “I have to find a way to lose this weight!”  In fact I have been saying it over and over every day for months.  My wardrobe has shrunk to a total of four pairs of pants and a few skirts.  Fortunately we can wear jeans this summer and I have two pair that fit.  Enough said about that.  I think you get the picture.

Today, at work, the top article on my company’s intranet homepage:

 

 

 

Then I was on a break and decided to check out the headlines on the Yahoo home page and I saw this: 

Good golly Miss Molly, I thought I had gained a lot of weight.  This guy was a professional dancer, turned Ex-Husband of Brittany Spears (BS) turned full time dad.  It gives a new meaning to the name to K-Fed.  Apparently he fed quite a bit.  But I’m not making fun of him.  After all, this is me: ==>>

Then, after work, after riding down the elevator and once again checking out my womanly physique, I repeated my mantra:  “I have got to find a way to lose this weight!” (must lose 30 pounds!)

Well, that was depressing!  So, I decided that I wanted to stop at McIDontCountCaleries on the way home to get one of their fabulous MnM and ice cream concoctions.

Here’s MY Sign

The final blow came when I got into my car and noticed that someone had left a flyer on my windshield.

(Courtesy of this company)Does  everyone know that I want/need to lose weight?  This day has been like a universal intervention!  Message to Universe:  I know, I need/have to lose weight!

So, on the way home I had my ice-cream desert and tomorrow I will re-start my diet and exercise program.

Saying Goodbye is Hard

Letting go is even harder.

Max’s food dispenser still sitting in the kitchen.  Untouched since Monday evening.

Today we finally carried it out to the garage.  :-(

We miss the evening ritual of passing him around, talking to him like a baby while scratching his belly, and watching him sit on his “perch” on top of the coffee table while we watch baseball games.

Goodbye Max – you are missed.

Max, The Beloved Owner of Dalton

 

Max The Cat  2005 – 2009 (TBD)

Last night before bedtime we came to the unsettling conclusion that our beloved cat, Max, is missing.   We haven’t seen him for two days.  He probably, dare I say, “moved to the farm”,  “Bought THE BIG ONE”,  not likely to return…EVER.  

Max the amazing cat.

  He doesn’t do fancy tricks.  He is not snuggly.  And he rarely  ever plays with anything.  Mostly, he sleeps all day. Then he goes outside several times in the evening before bedtime.  Then, just before the wee hours of the morning approach – 3:30AM, EVERY MORNING LIKE CLOCKWORK – he jumps on the bed and meows to wake us up so he can go outside.  If we don’t  wake up to the meow he scratches the furniture as a last resort to get our attention.  The sound of claws on upholstery never gets ignored.  

Other cats have come and gone – to the same supposed farm.  One, we suspect, (our beloved Maizey Jr. – daughter of Max) now lives in a house down the street.  But Max, he stayed on and endures all of the love our family has to give.  His two best attributes:  Patience and Loyalty.  Max is the most incredibly patient cat we have ever known.  He allows us to hold him and snuggle him like a baby.  We  pass him from person to person over and over every evening and he never scratches, bites, hisses or tries to wiggle away.  He just lets it happen.    

We love him for his patience but adore him even more because of his  faithfulness and loyalty to our son Dalton.  Max doesn’t belong to us or to Dalton.  No, Dalton belongs to Max.  That’s right, Dalton is Max’s boy.   Most nights Max sleeps on or under his boy’s bed.  During the day he is the lone occupant of  the bedroom they share as he patiently waits for his boy to return home from school.   Each morning when he returns indoors after an early morning mouse hunt he runs to his food bowl for a quick bite and then immediately returns to the room where his boy is sleeping.  If the door is closed he sits outside and meows loudly as if announcing his arrival for a long awaited reunion.  

If ever a cat has been loved, it is Max the Magnificent.   We love him for his  patience but we adore him for choosing Dalton to be his very own boy.

Although we have talked to the children about the possibility of never seeing him again, and yes even the “D” word (DEATH), it hasn’t quite yet sunk in that this is actually the end of our co-existence on Earth.  Do cats go to heaven?  I don’t know.  To me it doesn’t matter.  He has fulfilled his purpose in life by providing our family with four years of great joy, and he has transformed Dalton into a gentle lover of animals big and small.

 

Dear Beloved Max – Owner of Dalton – we miss you already.  

Thank you for enduring our love.   May your farm be full of a never-ending supply of big fat, juicy mice.

About Getting Older – A Little Bit of Inspiration

So I have been busy lately – very busy.  I went back to work.  Then I started gaining weight. More on that another day.  Then I decided to lose the weight.  The plan – I did it before so I know I can do it again – eat better (low carbs – that means no more candy, cake or ice-cream -  and more protein) and EXERCISE.  I’m not a fan of just exercise.  For me the activity has to produce something you can see, so I’m doing yard work – for now weeding and mowing. 

Today I’m mowing the back yard.  Half way through the job I notice that my thumbs are stinging - blistered with peeling skin.   Am I turning into a dainty little pansy in my older age?  Not that my age is anywhere near old. But I have to say that NEVER BEFORE have I EVER gotten blisters from just holding onto the lawn mower.  What’s up with that?  Is my aging skin not tough enough to take it?  Am I going to have to slow down and give up physical hard labor just to protect my suddenly delicate hands?

Next year I will be 40 but part of me still feels like I'm 15 and invincible, capable of doing anything.  This is good and bad…good because I’m not afraid to do physically hard labor, but sometimes very bad when I over exert myself to the point of near self-crippling mutilation.  Sometimes I just don’t realize my limitations until WAY AFTER the damage is done.  This I blame on the sweetest, toughest, most inspiring woman I ever knew – My Grandma Huff.  Sorry mom, you’re still a very close first runner up.  So, I had to stop in the middle of mowing to bandage my owwies, document the moment, and write this story before I cripple myself for the rest of the day.

About my Grandma -This spritely, slightly hunchbacked woman was a machine when it came to hard work.  She shared stories of her childhood picking cotton every day in the Texas summer heat.  As an adult she got out of bed before the sun almost every day of the 22 years that I had the privilege of sharing this earth with her and worked outdoors long into the heat of the day.  She was like an army of one in my eyes.  She worked the earth with her hands and never complained about scrapes, cuts, bruises or being tired.  I once caught her pouring LEADED GASOLINE on a bleeding, cut thumb and she didn’t even flinch at the pain.  Then she bound it with a rubber band until I thought her thumb was going to turn black.  No booboo strips or anti-bacterial ointment for her.  At that point I was old enough to stop her – so I took her inside and dressed her wound with ointment and a band-aid.  She told me that was how it  was done in the old days.  I would never have survived that because I’m a total coward when it comes to pain.

Its a wonder she survived her childhood to live well into her 80s, but Grandma was tough, resilient, hilariously funny, loved to pull pranks, and could guilt anyone into doing whatever she wanted.  She drank at least one full pot (sometimes more) of fully caffeinated coffee every day – even in the summer. Every year she decorated her house inside and out for Christmas, grew about two acres of garden and worked most of it herself from beginning to end.  Her house was immaculately clean.  She never owned a microwave or dishwasher, cooked almost everything from scratch using lard as one of the ingredients, and every  year she told us this would be the last time she would every be able to do any of it because she probably wouldn’t be with us next year.  I grew up just knowing she was going to die at any moment and we would never see her again, so when I was eight I decided that if and and when she died I would be buried with her because I couldn’t imagine living without her.  This went on for about twenty years that I can remember.  I don’t know how many years she said that before I heard it the first time.  I was blessed to know her and to learn everything that I could about the importance of hard, unglamorous dirty work.

And now back to me.  My thumbs are bandaged and I finished mowing the back  yard – not yet crippled, but I’m sure I’ll be feeling (regretting) this in the morning.  I’m also inspired to aim for my goal (the weight loss) and I’m not going to let something like the Texas summer heat, blistered thumbs and a few sore muscles (from head to toe) stop me.   I will lose this weight and my yard will look better as a result.

The Boy and The Balloon

This is the story of a boy…

and a balloon.

The Boy got a balloon at a car dealership where Mom told Dad not to go because she wasn’t interested in trading in her van for an Expedition or any other vehicle.

Instead of coming home with another vehicle, dad came home accompanied by offspring #3, #4 and #5 – all bearing huge car lot decorating balloons. Yeah for Dad!

The Boy played with his big beautiful balloon with great joy and delight all afternoon.  He played in the front yard…and in the house…and in the back yard… until alas the flossy red ribbon tied to the balloon slipped out of his nimble fingers and floated up, up, up and away into the balmy evening sky.

The Boy was suddenly inconsolably heartbroken because his shiny new blue car dealership balloon was going,… going… gone.  Huge crocodile tears streamed down the Boy’s cheeks.

THEN, big sister……

quietly and lovingly – and extremely generously – comes to the rescue with her shiny new yellow balloon.  “Here Boy.  You can have my balloon.” she said, with a smile and a gentle consoling hug.  And the Boy was happy again. 

See the Boy smile :-)

Thank you big sister:-)

Easter – A Declaration of Independence

Its Easter Morning. 

  Last night I had insomnia and didn’t sleep all night.  After realizing that I wasn’t going to sleep I spent most of the night with Della cruising the information highway, reading news and other inspiring blogs. Then I watched  Huckabee, CSI NY and Madagascar (My kids call it “mad at a gas car”.)  let the cat in and out, did a load of laundry, made breakfast for the Mister, loaded the dishwasher and baked cinnamon rolls for the kids to eat for breakfast.  I feel like that old Army commercial where they say “We do more before 8:00am than most people do all day.”  Only, I don’t think it counts unless you actually go to bed and then get up to do all of those things.  Finally, around 6:15 my batteries were running low and I climbed into bed and drifted off to sleep listening to the soothing sounds of the thunderstorm in the distance.   As the night turned into day I settled in to a deep sleep.    It was cool outside so my bedroom window was open.  This morning’s alarm clock was the sound of church bells ringing behind my house.   They don’t normally ring the bell on Sundays but today is Easter – the most sacred of days for Christians around the world.  It was a welcomed sound of joy and I could hear the words ringing in my heart

He’s alive!  He’s Alive! He’s Alive!

For Christians this is our declaration of independence, our very own special 4th of July.  Jesus sacrificed his life for us.  He took our place, our punishment for our sins, so we could be re-united with God who created us.  No longer separated from Him.  Set free and forgiven from any sin, no matter how great.  They beat him beyond recognition, crucified him by nailing him to a cross and then mocked him while they waited for him to die.  BUT THEN…on the third day…THIS DAY that we celebrate HE AROSE FROM THE GRAVE.   He said He would and He did.  Neither Buddha nor Mohamed can offer this.  And because of this -  WE ARE FORGIVEN FROM EVERY SIN – AS IF THEY NEVER HAPPENED, and all we have to do is ask.  Its FREE for all who ask.  This is our day of rejoicing, OUR DAY OF INDEPENDENCE. 

Another song comes to mind: Free at Last!  Free at Last!  Thank God Almighty! We are free at last!

Enjoy your Easter celebrations but remember what it is really all about.  Jesus is alive and he lives in my heart today.

For more information about forgiveness and why you need Jesus.  Or, if you need answers to life's tough questions:

http://www.iamsecond.com/

http://www.needhim.org

http://nothingstoohardforgod.org/

Do the Hokey-Pokey

We all know that childhood song where you put your right foot in and out and shake it all about.  Eventually,by the end of the song, you end up dizzy and breathless on the floor.  In the ProlificMom house we have our own version, and it made my life and my marriage a little bit easier.

Going way back…First, Gary Smalley wrote a book Keyes to Loving Relationships. 

  It  explains that an important key to a good marriage is good communication, and every person has their own communication style and language.  Its difficult to have a meaningful discussion with someone who doesn’t speak the same language.   Its even more  challenging  if you’re trying to communicate what you want someone else to do.  You need to make sure that you are speaking their language or they are not going to get it.  In marriage there are often many (mis)communication challenges that usually end with someone saying “you just don’t listen to me” or “you just don’t get it.”  Once I understood the communication gap I started figuring out how to get what I wanted by using an entirely new set of tools.  ( I wish they would have taught me about this important piece of information in college.)

Marriage – Year Five:  So, the Mister and I were finding it ‘stressful’ to discuss the laundry.  Actually, I would call the Mister from work and ask him to take the clothes out of the dryer.  And just like I asked, he would take the clothes out of the dryer and that was all.   I was constantly infuriated because he didn’t take the clothes out of the wash and put them in the dryer after taking the clothes out of the dryer, then take dirty laundry and start the wash.  Why wasn’t he listening to me?!!!  We had been arguing about this for years and he still didn’t get it that when I asked for him to “take the clothes out of the dryer” I wanted him to do the full laundry cycle.   Why did I have to explain the full cycle of laundry every time I wanted his help?

ProlificMom said:  “Take the clothes out of the dryer – interpretation: Do the full laundry cycle.

What the Mister heard: “Take the clothes out of the dryer. – interpretation: Take the clothes out of the dryer.

Then, one day, I realized that we had a communication gap.  He couldn’t read my mind and I didn’t like having have the patience to explain the process in detail every time I wanted it done.  Four years after watching the video series (I’m a little bit slow on the uptake.) the light bulb came on!  We weren’t speaking the same language.  This occurred to me at work after calling the Mister at home to once again ask argue about the laundry.  I just couldn’t stand the thought of wasting my energy on something so small or stupid.  That was the a-hah! moment.  I needed to find a word that I could use to define the entire process.  So, I called the Mister and told him that I didn’t ever want us to argue about the laundry again, and I was going to think of a word that we could use to define the entire laundry process.  Any time one of us used the word the other one would know exactly what to do. Then I had to figure out what the word would be.  An hour later I had it – the perfect word to describe the process – DO THE HOKEY POKEY! 

Eleven years later, (marriage year 16) everyone in my house knows what this term means and we also use it to define loading and unloading the dishwasher.  To differentiate we say “do the hokey pokey in the kitchen”.

This is only one small victory in the communication battleground of marriage, but a victory for sure.

(I Am) Smarter than a 5th Grader

I love the internet!

To whoever created the internet – I THANK YOU.  Its a most helpful tool when trying prove that you are  (I am) not an idiot. 

For instance, when the Misters insists there is another Baldwin brother named Adam. I can sit on the couch next to him, swiftly type ask.com, and voilla! prove that I do actually know what I’m talking about. 

Adam Baldwin is an actor currently appearing in Chuck on the peacock channel and he is in no way related to the famous Baldwin Brothers.  

Then, there is his assertion that it NEVER rains in LA. 

According to Ask Weather they receive 11.3 inches (as apposed to 33.9 inches in Dallas) of precipitation (rain/snow) per year.   While they only get 1/3 of the precip, its still more than NEVER.  And finally IMDB to the rescue – Scott Bacula or Richard Dean Anderson is MacGyver?      For the big ‘I told you so’ finish:

By the Way the above screen captures were created by Della with her snazzy  “snipping tool” as I created this  posting using Windows Live Writer.  I love this new computer and I love the internet!

Snazzy!

Victory is mine! I yelled as I opened the door to greet the FedEx man on Thursday.  My brand new ruby red Dell Inspiron laptop had finally arrived.  She is so pretty I’m going to name her Della.  I’m sure we’ll spend many countless days and nights together cruising the information super-highway as well as many well spent hours blogging.  She has all of the bells and whistles – fully equipped with the latest business software from Microsoft, Windows Vista (which isn't bad at all – Yeah! Vista) and a built in video camera  which I just used to take this photo.  Great camera but the model needs a little bit of work.

Oh, happy day!  And if my children even think about touching it….. :-)

Back Blogged

I've been all blogged up for the last few weeks. Oh the stories I could have been telling. They often visit me in the middle of the night, or when I'm in the shower, or when I'm driving. But when I sat down at my computer there was nothing. So, here is a truncated version of what I've been up to for the last few weeks.

I just spent the last 5 DAYS working on my laptop trying to resurrect it from the near dead. Can you say VIRUSES!!! Not just one. This was me defragging at about 11:00pm last night. After several days of worry, praying, pleading, groaning, more prayer, more tears, deleting programs, installing and running new anti-virus software, scanning, scanning, rescanning, rebooting about 500 times, crying, praying and pleading with God to save my laptop and one final defrag followed by one final complete scan - I THINK ITS GOING TO BE OK.

I'm very careful about what I open or download, so you ask - how does something like this happen to someone like me. I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN - enough said.

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Audrey turns 10. These are her birthday shoes. They are really cute for about a week and then they start to fade like crazy. By the way, Hannah Montana is no longer cool. I think its all about Demi Lavato now.

Notice the "fire starter in the lower corner of the photo. This is a "childproof" device (adult-proof incendiary device commonly used by five-year-olds to start fires in closets)

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Jeremey turns 13 - and he likes a girl!

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The Mister has a birthday. Not saying how old he is but next year he will be 40. Here he is blowing out the imaginary candles on his birthday cake.

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All girls weekend road trip to San Antonio to start spring break.

A favorite niece has a baby shower. I only have two nieces and they are both my favorites.

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Cousins - self portrait by Natalie.

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Me and Natalie at the Alamo.

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Caught having fun during Spring Break - 52 degrees outside but they just had to "swim".

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And best of all SPRING HAS SPRUNG :-)

He Said, She Said

Bread, Bread and More Bread!

And even MORE BREAD

Alternate titles: He Bread, She Bread or What Men Hear

Tuesday Morning 5:00am

Mister: You should go shopping today while I’m at work because we are out of everything but please only spend about $100.
ProlificMom: How about this - I will wait until you come home from work and we can go shopping together so you can be the “grocery cop”. (First, I don’t really like shopping with the Mister, but for the last few months I have insisted that we shop together so he cannot criticize what I did or did not get, or what I should or should not have gotten, or how much I spend on groceries. Second, his shopping technique drives me crazy because he starts at the back of the store with the milk and takes about twice as long as me to make his selections. Thats 90 minutes of unrefridgerated milk before we even make it to the register, and that is just the beginning of what drives my crazy. So, I was being sarcastic when I called him the “grocery cop”.)

1:00pm Phone call from The Mister
Mister: I have to work a little bit late and then I’m going to do some things before I get home….so I will be a little bit late.
ProlificMom: Where will you be going?
Mister: …….just places…you’ll see when you get home
ProlificMom: OoooooKaaaaaay? So, I will pick up the kids and I’ll see you when you get home - whenever that is.

3:15pm ProlificMom picks up kids from school and heads to the bread store. Its just down the street from the school so I shop there before or after school pickup. We buy bread at the Mrs Bairds retail store because we save a lot of money that way. $23 worth of bread products later we are on the way back to school to pick up 6th grader and head home. All is well with the world or so I thoght.

3:55pm Phone call from The Mister
Mister: When you get home there will be tater tots cooking in the oven for the kids to eat as a snack. I’m on the way to the grocery store to do the shopping.
ProlificMom: Well don’t bother to get any bread because I just came from the bread store where I spent $23. We are stocked up for the next two weeks.
Mister: What? NOOOOOOOO. I already went to the bread store and I spent $22. You need to go back and get your money back because we don’t need all that bread! You told me I could be the grocery cop today.
ProlificMom: OOOOOOh Nooooooooo! First, I’m not taking the bread back. We will just have to freeze it. Second, when you called me earlier and said you had places to go, I asked you where you were going and you just said places. If you had told me you were going to the bread store I wouldn’t have gone there too. Why didn’t you tell me where you were going when I asked? I did not fail to communicate on the subject. While I didn’t tell you I was planning to shop for bread, you didn’t tell me where you were planning to go when I asked “where are you going”. THIRD, when we had our discussion about groceries this morning, I SAID WE SHOULD SHOP TOGETHER so you could be the grocery cop AND I ASKED YOU WHERE YOU WERE GOING AFTER WORK. You should have told me you were going to do the shopping. I ASKED!!!!!!
Mister: But you said I could be the grocery cop. Why didn’t you tell me you were going to buy bread.
ProlificMom: I didn’t JUST SAY you could be the grocery cop. I said we should go TOGETHER so you could be the grocery cop. Helloooooo? Is anybody in there?

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What ProlificMom said: I will wait until you come home from work and we can go shopping together so you can be the “grocery cop”.

What the Mister heard: bla bla bla bla bla you come home from work bla bla bla bla bla bla you can be the “grocery cop”. (Translation: After you come home from work, I would like for you to do all of the shopping.)

Its Braum's, Vern

First - you probably have to be at least as old as I am to understand the title.

Second - I'm on a diet. The first step is giving up diet coke for 30 days. The reason - I have a drinking problem. I drink a lot when I'm alone - about a pack a day. Not saying how many are in that pack. It was a difficult week with NO caffeine. Actually I cheated once but it doesn't really count because I drink canned diet coke and this was a fountain drink at a restaurant and it was watered down and didn't taste good at all. So I'm not counting it.

Caffeine withdrawal is no fun. I've been sluggish and I don't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I haven't wanted to blog or do business or clean my house. My bowel movements have changed but lets not go there. What can I say? It's caffeine withdrawal. I haven't been myself at all. I even let Audrey spend the night with a friend on a school night last night. What kind of mother have I become? It was actually very pleasant at home without her, so I really did it out of self preservation. And today is only a half day of school, so I rationalized it away.

This morning I REALLY didn't want to get out of bed, so I decided to sleep in until 6:30. My usual 4:00am alarm was just too early. THEN the phone rang and the Mister called to tell me that he forgot his cell phone like he does at least once a week. But THIS time he needed me to bring it to him. (23 mile drive in morning commuter traffic before a 9:00am meeting) So, I rushed the kids to get ready and out the door. They were reluctant and cranky and we left 10 minutes later than I had hoped for but we arrive at school with time to spare. Then I was off to Irving in the morning commute, which I do not miss at all. Traffic was bad and I had to take several alternate routes, thus taking extra time, but I finally made it. After delivering the phone with a kiss and a good luck I decided to drive home a different way - the long way. Then I decided ice cream from Braum's was in order. It has been a long time since I've been inside the doors of a Braum's ice cream store and I was amazed. As I perused the aisles of the dairy section I was both amazed and stumped by the number of flavors to choose from. Then I saw it - Cappuccino Chunky Chocolate. Yum!! I couldn't wait to get home and dig in. Just as I was approaching the checkout my cell phone rang. BUSTED! It was the Mister. I could have just not answered it but I knew he would keep calling. He's persistent that way. So I answered and spoke quietly. He said he couldn't hear me so I said I would have to call him back. A few minutes later, in the van, I called him back. All I could think about was getting home to eat the ice cream. He didn't ask what I was doing so I didn't tell. And I can write about it now because he doesn't read my blog.

Entering my neighborhood I was flagged down by a AAA driver with a very confused look on his face. I rolled down the window and he immediately pushed his cell phone into my van and said "please talk to her. I need directions." Using my most excellent secretarial skills I spoke to the woman on the phone, got directions to her house and her phone number just in case I need to call her back - which I did - and led the driver to her house a mile away. He was very grateful and relieved. She didn't give very good directions, so its no wonder he couldn't find her. Then again, shouldn't a AAA tow truck driver have a GPS navigator? I was just glad I could help and wanted to get home and treat myself with some ice cream.

I finally made my way home but couldn't find my house key. What next? I just wanted the ice cream!!! Frantic search, found the key, ran to the kitchen, yanked the lid off - how does Braum's get their ice cream frozen so hard? Its never like that at the grocery store.

Now - Full of ice cream, feeling better and blogging again. What a wonderful morning. If I had taken the most direct route home I wouldn't have stopped for ice cream or had the opportunity to help the AAA man.

Moral of the story? Take your time when you can. Otherwise you might miss the opportunity to help someone else in need. Sometimes delays in our agenda are providential. Then - Take time to enjoy the ice cream. :-)

What Boys Do

It's quiet here at home during the day when the kids are in school. At the beginning of the school year I took a lot of naps. But now that I have had time to adjust to being home ALONE during the day I figured out a cleaning schedule that works for me. The first load of laundry goes into the wash as soon as the I return home from the morning school delivery. And I do at least three loads every morning instead of waiting for baskets to fill up at the end of the week. As if it would take that long for baskets to fill up in a house with five kids. Anywho...at least twice a week I strip the beds and wash sheets and blankets.

Occasionally I find - lets call them interesting - artifacts under my boys' pillows. Things like multi tools and cameras. We're not just talking Princess and the Pea here. This is a treasure trove full of stuff. The Egyptians buried their Pharaohs with treasure for the afterlife. I can only imagine what my boys are thinking when they sleep with this stuff under their pillows. Here is what I found under one pillow today:

One progress report - not seen by mom until now

A car - for a fast get away?

One knife - to fight off the boogie man

One comb - to look good for the girls in their dream

One wallet - because you never know when you are going to need money - maybe to impress the ladies

One thumbtack - who knows, MacGyver would know what to do with it

One pom-pom - I'm lost on that one - MacGyver could use that too.

The Smell Test

I find myself enslaved to laundry. Its everywhere. Clean laundry, dirty laundry - well lets face it, there are only two kinds. And I don't mind washing clothes. In fact, I love washing clothes. I really do. Its one of the easiest chores in the house. You put the clothes into the machine with some detergent and fabric softener and the machine does all the work. Then you transfer it to the dryer with two dryer sheets - yes I am addicted to fabric softener - and turn it on. Its that easy. Unfortunately for me, that is where the fun ends . I can happily go through the washer dryer cycle (we call it the hokey-poky - a story for another day) all day long. Its the next step that I don't like. You know - the part where you sort, hang and fold the clothes and then put them away so people can easily find them. Yuck! I have never enjoyed that part. It takes too long when I want to do other things like scrub a toilet or sit down and eat ice cream while watching a movie.

So, I find myself trying to find ways to be more efficient with the laundry process. Every morning, as soon as I get home from the morning school delivery, I go through the house and gather all dirty clothes and towels and throw them into the wash together. Never mind that towels are getting washed together with whites and brights. Its getting washed and I'm not wasting water on a small load. The challenge I have lies in my boys room at the end of the hall. Whether I fold and hang all of their clothes or even if they do it themselves - every day I find clothes on the floor in the closet or under the bed or next to the dresser. They are every where and I am so tired of washing them over and over again whether they are clean or not.

A few years ago I got tired of doing this redundant and unnecessary process so I instinctively instituted a new way to eliminate the excess - the smell test. Instead of picking up everything on the floor and throwing it in the trash or dowsing it with fuel and lighting a match, I grab the pants and underwear and give them the smell test - up close and personal. If it looks clean but I cant tell for sure, I bury my nose deep in the crotch and take a quick sniff. Yesterday, while standing in a somewhat dark room, I got a huge surprise wrapped up inside the seat of a pair of dark blue pants. It was the poop Du jur. So, no it didn't pass the smell test, and at that point neither did I!

This is the Ad They Don't Want You to See at the Superbowl

The Superbowl turned down this ad but they are allowing PETA to run their add.
Read the full story here.

http://www.catholicvote.com/

Failure to Blog

So I haven't been blogging much lately. It seems to come in spurts. You know how it is - feast or famine. Personally, I love blogging. Its therapeutic. But lately I haven't been able to blog. Nothing seems to come to mind at a convenient time. I can usually think of some hilarious story that happened five years ago but by the time I get to use my computer again its gone and there I sit empty headed with nothing to blog about. So, I thought I would do a year in review.

2008 - YUCK! Just when I thought I had escaped 2007 with nothing to loose 2008 reared its ugly head. My job, which I absolutely loved and would do anything to be successful turned into the worst night terror event of my career. So, I decided to make 2008 the year that I would "do something". Here is what I did.

First I decided to start writing. I've always enjoyed coming up with creative stories and I try to deal with my own stress by seeing the humor in the midst of the boondoggle which is my life. So, I started this little blog. Then I decided that I needed to start my own business because there is no way I'm going to work as someone else's employee forever. I needed to take charge of my own destiny. Thus, on February 12, 2008, I gave birth to prolificmom.com.

ProlificMom is now my other identity, my alter-ego - my very own brand. It encompasses all the things I am and all the things I want to be, and it has morphed on a fairly regular basis over the last year. PM is almost a year old - one verrrrry long painful year. And now I have decided to step it up a notch. Over the last three weeks I have worked on it day and night. This has been one gargantuan reconstruction project. I've been teaching myself web design - well, little pieces here and there. Really its more like reverse engineering and it has been changing minute by minute. If you looked at it an hour ago, chances are it has changed - kind of like Texas weather. In fact, I have worked on it so much that I have only been taking showers about every three days. Unfortunately, I have also been wearing the same clothes for the last three days. This has been like one slow extended labor and delivery. Only, I don't know when this baby will be finished to the point that I can leave it alone for a few days - but it will happen. And when it does I will probably be ready to take a shower at least every other day.

So, now I'm a stay at home mom. For the last thirteen years I have longed for the day I could be a stay/work at home mom. That is all I have dreamed of for thirteen year. I couldn't wait for it and I had a great plan to make it happen. Unfortunately, the lovely people I worked for had other ideas, and in June I got my wish about 16 months ahead of plan. For this new job I was completely unprepared. In fact, I am still in training for the stay at home job. Nothing on my resume points to experience as a full time mom. The majority of my time over the last 13 years have been dedicated to driving to a corporate office five or six day a week and telling millionaires what to do and when and how to do it - and I was very good at it. For this I was well rewarded. You know that movie "The Devil Wears Prada" - yes, part of that character was based on me. I don't know how the writers knew it but they nailed it. Being a executive assistant is what I am good at. I can make complex travel arrangements in my sleep. Just don't wake me up to clean up vomit in the middle of the night. I'm clueless in that department.

To fast forward and sum it up:
BAAAAD JOB
Start a blog
ProlificMom
Your Fired
Stay at home
broken arm
no insurance
medical bills
meals with no frills
interviews
no good news
write a blog
skip some showers
take a nap

Etsy - Its ADDITCIVE

How to Eat an Elephant

There is an old saying that I like. How do you eat and Elephant? One bite at a time.

This is a great saying used to encourage those who might feel overwhelmed with a prospective task. However, as I ponder this thought more questions come to mind.

What size is the elephant? What if the elephant is too big and you cant eat it all in one sitting? Do you have to stay at the table until you are finished eating the entire elephant? Can you share it with friends? Can you place leftovers in containers and freeze it? How many containers would you need for something that size? How long will it keep in the freezer? How do you cook the elephant before you eat it? Do you bake it or fry it? Can you deep fry it? How do you know if it is fully cooked or over done? Are all of the parts edible or will there be parts that you shouldn't or couldn't eat? Where do you get an elephant to eat? Do they serve these at fine restaurants? Can you get it in a fast food drive through window? Can you take leftover elephant home in a doggie bag? What kind of condiments should you eat it with? How would Emeril cook it?

Wait a minute. Who wants to eat an elephant? I think I'm going to switch to the saying "Don't bite off more than you can chew" and leave it at that.

And Now Some Sage Advise

Today's blog comes from my sister Lisa. So, listen up ladies. This information might just come in handy one day.
---------------------

Who needs hints from Heloise when they have a brilliant sister like me!!!

I thought maybe you could use a good laugh.

If you are going to not shave your legs for a few months, because it is cold
out and you wear jeans all the time anyway, don't Waite until the first
sunny, windy day to decide to shave. And should you make this mistake, don't
do a quicky shave. You know, where you sit on the side of the tub and shave
your legs with a brand new raiser...You will get raiser burn. So, after you
have done both of these things which I have strongly advised you to avoid...
Do Not put on shorts and go out to ride the horse...your legs will not only
get sun burned, because they haven't seen the light of day in months, they
will not only get raiser burn, due to your own stupidity...riding in shorts
is a very bad idea...the part of your leg that rubs against the saddle, it
will be chapped!

Just a word of advice from your very, very ignorant sister.

My Life in Blog Titles

If I could express my life in blog titles, here are just a few that would sum up some of my experiences so far:

I know we are married but....Why I hate going grocery shopping with you.

Top 57 reasons you can't go grocery shopping with me.

Knock, Knock, Here she is, GOOD LUCK! (snicker) Run to the car and drive away fast: Audrey Goes to a Sleep-over

Please Stop Talking for a While or I'm Going to Poke my Eyes Out!

No REALLY! Please Stop Talking For At Least a Few Days

Has Anyone Seen My Eye-Poker?

Stupid People Tricks: Why NOT to Use Adhesive Glue Spray to Try to Kill a Yellow Jacket Inside the House When Your Parents Are Not Home.

How To Remove Adhesive Glue Spray From Your Face, Teeth and Glasses

Please STOP Taking Photos Of your Butt.....Because Your Only Six and Mommy Doesn't Want to Go to Jail!

For the 1,000th Time, PLEASE FLUSH THE TOILET!

My Life is a Circus and I'm the Clown in Charge of Driving The Car.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine. I Know I just picked up my prescription yesterday but I REALLY need a refill.

Coping with stress technique #34 - Just look them in the eye and laugh.

Please Don't Confuse The Tears Streaming Down my Cheeks With the Sound of Laughter Coming out of my Mouth.

The Things They Say

Spencer: When Dalton dies, can I shoot him in the face?

Me: Why would you want to do that?

Spencer: Because he tortures me all the time!

The good news is that Spencer is not planning to kill Dalton. He's just going to wait until Dalton is dead and THEN shoot him in the face.

Words of Encouragement

This morning as I was waiting at the bus stop with my 14 year old daughter, Natalie, she expressed some stress. So, I took the opportunity to open the door of conversation. It took a while, but she was finally able to articulate what was on her mind. Today's source of stress was her concern about the state of the economy under President Elect Barack Obama.

Although I did not vote for Mr. Obama and I'm eagerly awaiting the next election cycle, vowing to be more directly involved in the process of supporting a conservative candidate, I took a few minutes to encourage her about our future President. He is not the devil and he does need our prayers. Although I don't have faith that he will be, we need to HOPE that he will be the best president we have ever had. While he will most likely make many decisions that we disdainfully disagree with he will also probably make a few good decisions along the way. But the most important encouragement I could give her came from the Bible.

Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I will trust in You.

Isaiah 26:3 - You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. 4 Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

The best thing we can do is place our trust in God, knowing that he is in control. We need not be afraid, even when we feel like we are on a roller coaster at that point just after it crests the tallest hill and it feels like the carriage is going to leave the track, and we are going to go tumbling to the ground - the free fall - GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL. The roller coaster is not actually going to leave the track. We are not going to go flying through the air to an untimely demise. We will, at the end, pull into the station, and we will get out of the cart in one piece. The ride may be bumpy with many ups and downs but it will, as it always does, come to an end.

So, get into the cart and buckle your seat belt. Its probably going to be a very long bumpy ride, but GOD IS WITH US ALL THE WAY.