Do the Hokey-Pokey

We all know that childhood song where you put your right foot in and out and shake it all about.  Eventually,by the end of the song, you end up dizzy and breathless on the floor.  In the ProlificMom house we have our own version, and it made my life and my marriage a little bit easier.

Going way back…First, Gary Smalley wrote a book Keyes to Loving Relationships. 

  It  explains that an important key to a good marriage is good communication, and every person has their own communication style and language.  Its difficult to have a meaningful discussion with someone who doesn’t speak the same language.   Its even more  challenging  if you’re trying to communicate what you want someone else to do.  You need to make sure that you are speaking their language or they are not going to get it.  In marriage there are often many (mis)communication challenges that usually end with someone saying “you just don’t listen to me” or “you just don’t get it.”  Once I understood the communication gap I started figuring out how to get what I wanted by using an entirely new set of tools.  ( I wish they would have taught me about this important piece of information in college.)

Marriage – Year Five:  So, the Mister and I were finding it ‘stressful’ to discuss the laundry.  Actually, I would call the Mister from work and ask him to take the clothes out of the dryer.  And just like I asked, he would take the clothes out of the dryer and that was all.   I was constantly infuriated because he didn’t take the clothes out of the wash and put them in the dryer after taking the clothes out of the dryer, then take dirty laundry and start the wash.  Why wasn’t he listening to me?!!!  We had been arguing about this for years and he still didn’t get it that when I asked for him to “take the clothes out of the dryer” I wanted him to do the full laundry cycle.   Why did I have to explain the full cycle of laundry every time I wanted his help?

ProlificMom said:  “Take the clothes out of the dryer – interpretation: Do the full laundry cycle.

What the Mister heard: “Take the clothes out of the dryer. – interpretation: Take the clothes out of the dryer.

Then, one day, I realized that we had a communication gap.  He couldn’t read my mind and I didn’t like having have the patience to explain the process in detail every time I wanted it done.  Four years after watching the video series (I’m a little bit slow on the uptake.) the light bulb came on!  We weren’t speaking the same language.  This occurred to me at work after calling the Mister at home to once again ask argue about the laundry.  I just couldn’t stand the thought of wasting my energy on something so small or stupid.  That was the a-hah! moment.  I needed to find a word that I could use to define the entire process.  So, I called the Mister and told him that I didn’t ever want us to argue about the laundry again, and I was going to think of a word that we could use to define the entire laundry process.  Any time one of us used the word the other one would know exactly what to do. Then I had to figure out what the word would be.  An hour later I had it – the perfect word to describe the process – DO THE HOKEY POKEY! 

Eleven years later, (marriage year 16) everyone in my house knows what this term means and we also use it to define loading and unloading the dishwasher.  To differentiate we say “do the hokey pokey in the kitchen”.

This is only one small victory in the communication battleground of marriage, but a victory for sure.

(I Am) Smarter than a 5th Grader

I love the internet!

To whoever created the internet – I THANK YOU.  Its a most helpful tool when trying prove that you are  (I am) not an idiot. 

For instance, when the Misters insists there is another Baldwin brother named Adam. I can sit on the couch next to him, swiftly type ask.com, and voilla! prove that I do actually know what I’m talking about. 

Adam Baldwin is an actor currently appearing in Chuck on the peacock channel and he is in no way related to the famous Baldwin Brothers.  

Then, there is his assertion that it NEVER rains in LA. 

According to Ask Weather they receive 11.3 inches (as apposed to 33.9 inches in Dallas) of precipitation (rain/snow) per year.   While they only get 1/3 of the precip, its still more than NEVER.  And finally IMDB to the rescue – Scott Bacula or Richard Dean Anderson is MacGyver?      For the big ‘I told you so’ finish:

By the Way the above screen captures were created by Della with her snazzy  “snipping tool” as I created this  posting using Windows Live Writer.  I love this new computer and I love the internet!

Snazzy!

Victory is mine! I yelled as I opened the door to greet the FedEx man on Thursday.  My brand new ruby red Dell Inspiron laptop had finally arrived.  She is so pretty I’m going to name her Della.  I’m sure we’ll spend many countless days and nights together cruising the information super-highway as well as many well spent hours blogging.  She has all of the bells and whistles – fully equipped with the latest business software from Microsoft, Windows Vista (which isn't bad at all – Yeah! Vista) and a built in video camera  which I just used to take this photo.  Great camera but the model needs a little bit of work.

Oh, happy day!  And if my children even think about touching it….. :-)

Back Blogged

I've been all blogged up for the last few weeks. Oh the stories I could have been telling. They often visit me in the middle of the night, or when I'm in the shower, or when I'm driving. But when I sat down at my computer there was nothing. So, here is a truncated version of what I've been up to for the last few weeks.

I just spent the last 5 DAYS working on my laptop trying to resurrect it from the near dead. Can you say VIRUSES!!! Not just one. This was me defragging at about 11:00pm last night. After several days of worry, praying, pleading, groaning, more prayer, more tears, deleting programs, installing and running new anti-virus software, scanning, scanning, rescanning, rebooting about 500 times, crying, praying and pleading with God to save my laptop and one final defrag followed by one final complete scan - I THINK ITS GOING TO BE OK.

I'm very careful about what I open or download, so you ask - how does something like this happen to someone like me. I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN - enough said.

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Audrey turns 10. These are her birthday shoes. They are really cute for about a week and then they start to fade like crazy. By the way, Hannah Montana is no longer cool. I think its all about Demi Lavato now.

Notice the "fire starter in the lower corner of the photo. This is a "childproof" device (adult-proof incendiary device commonly used by five-year-olds to start fires in closets)

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Jeremey turns 13 - and he likes a girl!

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The Mister has a birthday. Not saying how old he is but next year he will be 40. Here he is blowing out the imaginary candles on his birthday cake.

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All girls weekend road trip to San Antonio to start spring break.

A favorite niece has a baby shower. I only have two nieces and they are both my favorites.

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Cousins - self portrait by Natalie.

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Me and Natalie at the Alamo.

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Caught having fun during Spring Break - 52 degrees outside but they just had to "swim".

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And best of all SPRING HAS SPRUNG :-)

He Said, She Said

Bread, Bread and More Bread!

And even MORE BREAD

Alternate titles: He Bread, She Bread or What Men Hear

Tuesday Morning 5:00am

Mister: You should go shopping today while I’m at work because we are out of everything but please only spend about $100.
ProlificMom: How about this - I will wait until you come home from work and we can go shopping together so you can be the “grocery cop”. (First, I don’t really like shopping with the Mister, but for the last few months I have insisted that we shop together so he cannot criticize what I did or did not get, or what I should or should not have gotten, or how much I spend on groceries. Second, his shopping technique drives me crazy because he starts at the back of the store with the milk and takes about twice as long as me to make his selections. Thats 90 minutes of unrefridgerated milk before we even make it to the register, and that is just the beginning of what drives my crazy. So, I was being sarcastic when I called him the “grocery cop”.)

1:00pm Phone call from The Mister
Mister: I have to work a little bit late and then I’m going to do some things before I get home….so I will be a little bit late.
ProlificMom: Where will you be going?
Mister: …….just places…you’ll see when you get home
ProlificMom: OoooooKaaaaaay? So, I will pick up the kids and I’ll see you when you get home - whenever that is.

3:15pm ProlificMom picks up kids from school and heads to the bread store. Its just down the street from the school so I shop there before or after school pickup. We buy bread at the Mrs Bairds retail store because we save a lot of money that way. $23 worth of bread products later we are on the way back to school to pick up 6th grader and head home. All is well with the world or so I thoght.

3:55pm Phone call from The Mister
Mister: When you get home there will be tater tots cooking in the oven for the kids to eat as a snack. I’m on the way to the grocery store to do the shopping.
ProlificMom: Well don’t bother to get any bread because I just came from the bread store where I spent $23. We are stocked up for the next two weeks.
Mister: What? NOOOOOOOO. I already went to the bread store and I spent $22. You need to go back and get your money back because we don’t need all that bread! You told me I could be the grocery cop today.
ProlificMom: OOOOOOh Nooooooooo! First, I’m not taking the bread back. We will just have to freeze it. Second, when you called me earlier and said you had places to go, I asked you where you were going and you just said places. If you had told me you were going to the bread store I wouldn’t have gone there too. Why didn’t you tell me where you were going when I asked? I did not fail to communicate on the subject. While I didn’t tell you I was planning to shop for bread, you didn’t tell me where you were planning to go when I asked “where are you going”. THIRD, when we had our discussion about groceries this morning, I SAID WE SHOULD SHOP TOGETHER so you could be the grocery cop AND I ASKED YOU WHERE YOU WERE GOING AFTER WORK. You should have told me you were going to do the shopping. I ASKED!!!!!!
Mister: But you said I could be the grocery cop. Why didn’t you tell me you were going to buy bread.
ProlificMom: I didn’t JUST SAY you could be the grocery cop. I said we should go TOGETHER so you could be the grocery cop. Helloooooo? Is anybody in there?

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What ProlificMom said: I will wait until you come home from work and we can go shopping together so you can be the “grocery cop”.

What the Mister heard: bla bla bla bla bla you come home from work bla bla bla bla bla bla you can be the “grocery cop”. (Translation: After you come home from work, I would like for you to do all of the shopping.)

Its Braum's, Vern

First - you probably have to be at least as old as I am to understand the title.

Second - I'm on a diet. The first step is giving up diet coke for 30 days. The reason - I have a drinking problem. I drink a lot when I'm alone - about a pack a day. Not saying how many are in that pack. It was a difficult week with NO caffeine. Actually I cheated once but it doesn't really count because I drink canned diet coke and this was a fountain drink at a restaurant and it was watered down and didn't taste good at all. So I'm not counting it.

Caffeine withdrawal is no fun. I've been sluggish and I don't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I haven't wanted to blog or do business or clean my house. My bowel movements have changed but lets not go there. What can I say? It's caffeine withdrawal. I haven't been myself at all. I even let Audrey spend the night with a friend on a school night last night. What kind of mother have I become? It was actually very pleasant at home without her, so I really did it out of self preservation. And today is only a half day of school, so I rationalized it away.

This morning I REALLY didn't want to get out of bed, so I decided to sleep in until 6:30. My usual 4:00am alarm was just too early. THEN the phone rang and the Mister called to tell me that he forgot his cell phone like he does at least once a week. But THIS time he needed me to bring it to him. (23 mile drive in morning commuter traffic before a 9:00am meeting) So, I rushed the kids to get ready and out the door. They were reluctant and cranky and we left 10 minutes later than I had hoped for but we arrive at school with time to spare. Then I was off to Irving in the morning commute, which I do not miss at all. Traffic was bad and I had to take several alternate routes, thus taking extra time, but I finally made it. After delivering the phone with a kiss and a good luck I decided to drive home a different way - the long way. Then I decided ice cream from Braum's was in order. It has been a long time since I've been inside the doors of a Braum's ice cream store and I was amazed. As I perused the aisles of the dairy section I was both amazed and stumped by the number of flavors to choose from. Then I saw it - Cappuccino Chunky Chocolate. Yum!! I couldn't wait to get home and dig in. Just as I was approaching the checkout my cell phone rang. BUSTED! It was the Mister. I could have just not answered it but I knew he would keep calling. He's persistent that way. So I answered and spoke quietly. He said he couldn't hear me so I said I would have to call him back. A few minutes later, in the van, I called him back. All I could think about was getting home to eat the ice cream. He didn't ask what I was doing so I didn't tell. And I can write about it now because he doesn't read my blog.

Entering my neighborhood I was flagged down by a AAA driver with a very confused look on his face. I rolled down the window and he immediately pushed his cell phone into my van and said "please talk to her. I need directions." Using my most excellent secretarial skills I spoke to the woman on the phone, got directions to her house and her phone number just in case I need to call her back - which I did - and led the driver to her house a mile away. He was very grateful and relieved. She didn't give very good directions, so its no wonder he couldn't find her. Then again, shouldn't a AAA tow truck driver have a GPS navigator? I was just glad I could help and wanted to get home and treat myself with some ice cream.

I finally made my way home but couldn't find my house key. What next? I just wanted the ice cream!!! Frantic search, found the key, ran to the kitchen, yanked the lid off - how does Braum's get their ice cream frozen so hard? Its never like that at the grocery store.

Now - Full of ice cream, feeling better and blogging again. What a wonderful morning. If I had taken the most direct route home I wouldn't have stopped for ice cream or had the opportunity to help the AAA man.

Moral of the story? Take your time when you can. Otherwise you might miss the opportunity to help someone else in need. Sometimes delays in our agenda are providential. Then - Take time to enjoy the ice cream. :-)

What Boys Do

It's quiet here at home during the day when the kids are in school. At the beginning of the school year I took a lot of naps. But now that I have had time to adjust to being home ALONE during the day I figured out a cleaning schedule that works for me. The first load of laundry goes into the wash as soon as the I return home from the morning school delivery. And I do at least three loads every morning instead of waiting for baskets to fill up at the end of the week. As if it would take that long for baskets to fill up in a house with five kids. Anywho...at least twice a week I strip the beds and wash sheets and blankets.

Occasionally I find - lets call them interesting - artifacts under my boys' pillows. Things like multi tools and cameras. We're not just talking Princess and the Pea here. This is a treasure trove full of stuff. The Egyptians buried their Pharaohs with treasure for the afterlife. I can only imagine what my boys are thinking when they sleep with this stuff under their pillows. Here is what I found under one pillow today:

One progress report - not seen by mom until now

A car - for a fast get away?

One knife - to fight off the boogie man

One comb - to look good for the girls in their dream

One wallet - because you never know when you are going to need money - maybe to impress the ladies

One thumbtack - who knows, MacGyver would know what to do with it

One pom-pom - I'm lost on that one - MacGyver could use that too.

The Smell Test

I find myself enslaved to laundry. Its everywhere. Clean laundry, dirty laundry - well lets face it, there are only two kinds. And I don't mind washing clothes. In fact, I love washing clothes. I really do. Its one of the easiest chores in the house. You put the clothes into the machine with some detergent and fabric softener and the machine does all the work. Then you transfer it to the dryer with two dryer sheets - yes I am addicted to fabric softener - and turn it on. Its that easy. Unfortunately for me, that is where the fun ends . I can happily go through the washer dryer cycle (we call it the hokey-poky - a story for another day) all day long. Its the next step that I don't like. You know - the part where you sort, hang and fold the clothes and then put them away so people can easily find them. Yuck! I have never enjoyed that part. It takes too long when I want to do other things like scrub a toilet or sit down and eat ice cream while watching a movie.

So, I find myself trying to find ways to be more efficient with the laundry process. Every morning, as soon as I get home from the morning school delivery, I go through the house and gather all dirty clothes and towels and throw them into the wash together. Never mind that towels are getting washed together with whites and brights. Its getting washed and I'm not wasting water on a small load. The challenge I have lies in my boys room at the end of the hall. Whether I fold and hang all of their clothes or even if they do it themselves - every day I find clothes on the floor in the closet or under the bed or next to the dresser. They are every where and I am so tired of washing them over and over again whether they are clean or not.

A few years ago I got tired of doing this redundant and unnecessary process so I instinctively instituted a new way to eliminate the excess - the smell test. Instead of picking up everything on the floor and throwing it in the trash or dowsing it with fuel and lighting a match, I grab the pants and underwear and give them the smell test - up close and personal. If it looks clean but I cant tell for sure, I bury my nose deep in the crotch and take a quick sniff. Yesterday, while standing in a somewhat dark room, I got a huge surprise wrapped up inside the seat of a pair of dark blue pants. It was the poop Du jur. So, no it didn't pass the smell test, and at that point neither did I!